ANOTHER Long Night

Tonight I got home from a 6 hour drive from Nebraska.  One of my closest friends lost her sister to cancer last week and a couple of us drove down to be by her side for the funeral.  I got home about 8:15 and the husband was watching the much anticipated Vikings vs Packer game.  I got the kids ready for bed and tucked them in.  With my daughter we have a plan...10 mins with mom or dad and then 30 mins on her own.  We are hoping this will help her learn to calm herself and fall asleep.  Her and I were laughing as I tucked her in.  I stayed with her for 10 min and then headed downstairs to watch the game.  Within 5 mins she was downstairs, when I asked her why she wasn't up stairs...the fight began.  I told her that I did my part and now it was time for her to try.  She became angry and started throwing a huge temper tantrum.  I probably should not have, but I stuck to my guns.  In some ways I feel like she is taking advantage of us, always changing the rules so she doesn't have to make any of the changes.  I am sure our therapist would frown upon my tactics but I keep having this picture of my daughter at 16 not being able to cope with her sensitivity.  How do I balance validating with teaching her to cope?
I tried to remain calm and kept telling my daughter that she had the power to change the situation by going up stairs and laying down quietly.  That only made her more angry.
Another issue is that my little man (6 yr old son) couldn't sleep with her howling.  So I allowed him to sleep on my floor until she calmed down.  Oh, did that tick her off even worse.  But what was I supposed to do?  She would not be quiet and he couldn't sleep.
Of course, my husband's friends probably wonder what the heck is going on in our family too.
All I know is that her sensitivity is controling our household and I feel like we are making no progress forward!  UGH!

Long Night

Last night, my son (6), daughter (8) and I attending a party at a friend's house.  It was sort of a baseball reunion for the boys my son played with this spring.  My husband was out of town.  The party was great, kids flying everywhere, girls dressing up, boys yielding light sabers and parents talking and laughing.  We left about 10:30 and as is tradition when my husband is out of town, the kids slept in our room, son on the floor (his request) and daughter on the bed with me.  Both fell sleep with ease as mom tried to watch TV.  I headed to bed after nodding off during the beginning of a Tivo'd episode of Grey's Anatomy. 
At about 12:30 my daughter woke up crying. I tried to ask her what was wrong and what I can do to help but she became angry and said she didn't want to tell me.  After about 15 minutes of crying (loudly) and not responding to my questions I picked up my son and brought him upstairs, this only made her more upset.  At on point I tried to hold her and see if I could calm her down but she fought me, pushing away. 
It is a familiar scene.  We try to help, she acts angry and won't talk to us, we walk away and she acts as if we have abandoned her and crys.  This push, pull can go on for a long time.  After about an hour, I lost hope and started to cry myself...telling her I am just trying to help.  After that she seemed to calm down. 
Generally after an episode like this she feels shame, feels like she has upset us and can't control herself. She sometimes get depressed. 
Our therapist tells us different things to try but it seems like when she is in the moment, not much helps.  It seems like it needs to escalate to a certain point or last for a certain amount of time before she again becomes the daughter we know and love.  I decided to start blogging about this to see if others have similar experiences and can offer help or suggestions.